


In This Field of Flowers

by carzla



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Revelations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-10
Updated: 2012-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-29 08:25:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carzla/pseuds/carzla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A month had passed since the Holy Empire of Britannia was broken up, and things were finally settling down. Gino decides to take a quiet evening walk in the palace gardens to contemplate the mess and confusion from one month past. However, what he finds is entirely not what he had ever expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In This Field of Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2010.

It had been a month since the 99th Emperor of Britannia had been assassinated before the world by the masked crusader, Zero. Since then, the Holy Empire of Britannia had broken up, with most of her conquered nations becoming independent countries once again. It had been a hectic month for the entire world as they rejoiced the end of their oppression under the “Demon Emperor”, as Lelouch vi Britannia had been dubbed, while scrambling to reform governments and rebuild places that had been destroyed during the months of battles and resistance.

For most of the world, all had never been better. But for some people, the past one month hadn’t been such an easy time. And Gino Weinberg was one such person. His troubles, however, were rather different from his remaining friends.

For the remaining – past and present – members of Ashford Academy’s student council, it had taken time for them to come to terms that their dear friend was dead… and that he wasn’t the evil tyrant that world had made him out to be.

However, for Gino, while he realized that what Lelouch did was to direct the world towards the future and peace it was now experiencing, a part of him still couldn’t forgive the deceased young man for having involved and caused the eventual death of one of his dearest friends – Kururugi Suzaku. But much as he acted oblivious to the troubles of the world, always having a carefree attitude, he wasn’t so insensitive as to ever mention his true thoughts in front of Nunnally or any of the Ashford students.

Another thing that had rubbed him the wrong way these days was Zero’s presence. He was always around Nunnally, seemingly having been appointed to be the Empress’ unofficial guardian and protector. That meant that as one of the two remaining Knights of Rounds, Gino would often see Zero in the palace grounds as he went about his work in helping stabilize Britannia again.

He disliked Zero, even though he knew now that Lelouch and Zero had to have been collaborating towards this ending. But even so, for Zero to be Nunnally’s _guardian_ when he was the one who had killed her brother in the first place… It didn’t seem right. And of course, it was Zero’s rebellion against Britannia that had started everything.

But he hadn’t been able to dwell on all of that much over the past month when he’d been busy aiding Nunnally run Britannia and rebuild harmonious ties with the other countries. Now, when things were finally settling down and his workload had lessened somewhat, he finally had time to actually think… and grieve properly.

Currently, he was walking in the palace grounds, heading towards the back gardens. It was evening and most of the people in the palace were having their dinner. The chances of him being alone were very high. Besides, he had always enjoyed the huge gardens, and being surrounded by nature was a good place to think.

Hence, it caught him completely by surprise that there was another person in the gardens too. There was a relaxed figure sitting under one of the trees that was surrounded by bushes of flowers, seemingly reading something. When he walked a little closer, such that he could determine who it was under the tree, the identity of the person threw him for another loop.

It was Zero.

Unexpectedly enough, the other man hadn’t seemed to notice him yet. Gino didn’t know whether he should stay here or whether he should leave. One of the reasons he’d come here was precisely because he hadn’t wanted to bump into Zero. Although, it was true that the gardens were large enough for them to not have to be near each other at all, so long as he went in a different direction. But he had been under the impression that the other man would be having dinner now too, and so they wouldn’t be in the same place – no matter how large the said place was. Or perhaps he shouldn’t presume he knew much of anything about the enigma that was Zero.

Some unknown force propelled him to step forward, even closer to the man under the tree. At that shortened distance, Gino finally realized that he actually recognized the book in the man’s hands. To be accurate, it wasn’t a book, but a photo album. _Suzaku’s_ photo album.

Why was it with Zero?

After Lelouch’s assassination, he’d searched everywhere for the album. It was something that Suzaku had deeply cherished, and Gino knew that the brunet would’ve wanted someone to take good care of it. But no matter how hard he’d searched, even enlisting Anya’s help (though that had taken a fair amount of bribing), he hadn’t been able to find it. So why…?

Why did _Zero_ have it?

Gino saw red. Zero and his rebellion were what had eventually killed Suzaku, and he distinctly remembered Suzaku disliking Zero’s methods. Zero shouldn’t be holding, much less _looking_ at that album that contained all of Suzaku’s precious, happy memories. He moved closer, though still silently as he didn’t want to alert the other man, intent on reclaiming the album and punching the masked man for good measure. It was then when he noticed the two items dangling from the cover of the album.

He recognized one of them immediately – the symbol of Suzaku being Princess Euphemia’s personal knight. The other item was similarly styled, but the main body of the ornament was black with a circular purple gemstone embedded into it and the wings were gold instead of white. A gut feeling told him it was the symbol of the Knight of Zero although he had never seen it before, prior to today.

Why did Zero have things that belonged to Suzaku? That man shouldn’t be touching _any_ of Suzaku’s things. Most especially Princess Euphemia’s symbol.

Gino’s anger flared even more and this time he didn’t hesitate. He rushed at the figure sitting under the tree, catching the man by surprise as he snatched away the precious album and the two items attached to it. He resisted the urge to kick or punch Zero, remembering from the way that Zero had been on the day of Lelouch’s assassination that the other man had superior martial arts skills and could possibly turn the tables on him easily.

“What the hell are you doing with this, Zero?” he snarled instead, putting all his dislike for the masked man into his voice.

Zero stood up immediately, his posture tense. “Lord Weinberg-”

Gino cut him off, “How dare you touch this? Especially Suzaku’s symbol of being Princess Euphemia’s knight! You’re the one who killed her!”

(Yes, Zero had killed Lelouch too. But since they had planned it from the start, it didn’t count in his book, even if they were most likely enemies until the end. But he thought that most of his anger was because Zero had robbed Suzaku of a girl he had cared dearly for.)

“Lord Weinberg, please give that back.”

The mask distorted the man’s voice slightly, but Gino could’ve sworn he heard a slight tremble to the voice. He couldn’t decide whether it was out of a need to restrain himself or if it was Zero was… trying not to panic.

“No! These belong to Suzaku, not you!”

* * *

Behind his mask, Suzaku was trying his best not to panic. However, he thought that he was failing quite miserably. It was one of the times that he was really glad that he had the mask. At least it prevented anyone from telling just _how close_ to panicking he really was from the way his eyes had widened behind the protective, concealing visor despite his stance giving less – if any, since tenseness could be interpreted as wariness in this scenario – of his panic away.

He didn’t expect anyone to be in the gardens at this time of the evening. For the past month or so, he’d always been alone whenever he retreated here. He supposed it was his fault for assuming that it would always stay that way. But more unnerving to him was the fact that he had been so far gone in his memories that he hadn’t noticed Gino until it was too late. Now, he was stuck with trying to resolve this without revealing his identity.

As well as to laugh at the bitter irony that it was _Gino_ – of all people – asking why he was holding on to his own belongings and throwing all his wrongs back into his own face.

However, short of incapacitating Gino in some way, Suzaku didn’t think he’d be able to get his photo album back. But he didn’t want to hurt Gino; it was unnecessary. The blond had no idea it was him under the mask. This was such a royal mess!

“Why are you holding on to things belonging to your enemies?” Gino demanded, pointing to the black ornament.

There was still no answer he could give. Well, none that wouldn’t reveal his true identity. Truthfully, why he still hung onto it like a lifeline (it probably _was_ his lifeline, his very last grip on sanity) was because it symbolized him being Lelouch’s knight and it was one of the last physical mementos of Lelouch that he still had.

(He had kept the clothes that Lelouch wore, but looking at the amethyst-eyed boy’s white Emperor’s robes made it far too easy for him to visualize the violent, unforgiving red that had stained it on that day.)

“ _Answer_ me, damn it!”

The fierce look in Gino’s blue eyes was quite foreign and unexpected to Suzaku. Gino was one of the most even-tempered person he had ever known. He didn’t even seem to have a temper most of the time. Suzaku wasn’t afraid of Gino, despite the other man being taller and bigger than him. But it wasn’t hard to see how Gino was now would definitely terrify someone else when in a bad mood.

But he wouldn’t say anything. He _couldn’t_. He was no longer Kururugi Suzaku to the world at large. He was supposed to be dead and buried, and now he was just Zero. A mysterious masked man that the world knew next to nothing about.

Nothing. Yes, that was what he was and how he felt most of the time.

He dutifully protected and escorted Nunnally like he’d sworn to Lelouch to do. But he could no longer feel fully at ease with the young Empress like he once did, even though she was one of the few who knew of his true identity. How could he? When he was the very person who had killed her dearest brother right in front of her eyes?

He was alone now, with just memories and mementos of happier, more innocent times to accompany him. It would probably be for the best for him to stay that way too. People that he got close to… tended not to have good outcomes.

So he couldn’t say anything to Gino, because he knew none of his answers would satisfy the blond knight. And those that would satisfy him… were the answers which he absolutely couldn’t give. He had sworn that he would live as Zero and not as Kururugi Suzaku, and he would have to live with this decision. Thus, he kept silent.

“Say something!”

Suzaku supposed that he had to say something. But he chose to forgo answering Gino’s prior question. Instead, in as calm a voice as he could muster with his heart pounding relentlessly in his ribcage, he repeated his earlier request.

“May I have them back, Lord Weinberg?”

Gino’s eyes narrowed in both anger and annoyance at his request. He knew that merely talking to Gino was not going to let him reclaim his belongings. But there really wasn’t much else he could do. Assaulting the blond would only hurt his friend, and then there was the possibility of the things Gino was holding being damaged too. And he absolutely _couldn’t_ risk that.

“Why don’t you come and get them, Zero? Instead of asking me to return them to you, which you already know I won’t.”

“You’re one of the Knights of Rounds. It’s almost assuredly an impossible task to forcibly extract them from you.”

The knight in question gave a short bark of mocking laughter. “I was on the scene on the day that you assassinated the Emperor. Don’t imply that you think you can’t best me when you know that I know that’s complete bullshit as well.”

Suzaku figured that the chances of him besting Gino were 50-50. Gino, after all, had an advantage in height and build even if Suzaku figured that he was the more agile of the two of them. If the blond could manage to pin him down somehow, he wouldn’t be able to throw off the other young man. But since he was determined not to engage Gino, he wasn’t going to think about that now.

“I didn’t think that you would chance accidentally damaging those items,” he said instead. “They belonged to your… friend, didn’t they?”

He almost couldn’t get the word “friend” out. He’d been quite amazed that Gino had never stopped hanging around him despite how cold he’d been to the blond at first. In fact, Suzaku didn’t think he’d ever really _warmed up_ to Gino per se.

Gino was silent for a long moment, and Suzaku became increasingly unnerved. The look in Gino’s eyes now seemed to suggest that he was thinking things through, analyzing things. And he really _did not_ want Gino to be trying to figure him out now. Belatedly, he wondered if his refusal to use more physical methods to retrieve his belongings could’ve raised suspicions in the blond. But even if the thought had occurred to him earlier, Suzaku didn’t think he would’ve changed his actions.

Well, he _would_ have changed the fact that he hadn’t noticed Gino until it was too late. Then he could’ve avoided this confrontation altogether.

“Yes, Suzaku was a dear friend, even when I thought he had betrayed Britannia, I never stopped thinking of him as a friend,” Gino finally said. Then with a sudden, piercing glare at Suzaku, the blond added, “What I don’t understand is why _you_ , of all people, seem to be protective of Suzaku’s belongings… Or is that your method of mocking the departed?”

“…What?”

“I don’t see any reason why you would be looking at this album, and why Princess Euphemia’s _murderer_ would be holding on to the symbol of her knight. You _killed_ her, you bastard. You took away the woman that Suzaku loved. You don’t have any right to touch Suzaku’s things!”

Suzaku couldn’t stop himself from flinching this time, or from looking away from the blond, when Gino threw Euphemia’s name in his face. It hadn’t been him who had shot Euphemia dead, but it had been as much his fault for allowing her to be alone with Lelouch and that had led to the tragedy happening.

Yes, he probably didn’t have the right to keep holding on to the white and blue ornament, but he couldn’t bring himself to relinquish it. Call him selfish and cowardly, but he needed to have it with him. He heard Gino make an annoyed noise but couldn’t quite make himself look at the other again, despite how uncharacteristically of Zero he was acting.

“Damn it, you’re acting like you regret killing Princess Euphemia!”

“…she shouldn’t have died,” Suzaku murmured softly. It was meant for his own ears only, but to his shock, Gino heard him.

“What… did you just say?”

This time, he looked directly at Gino to confirm his fears. The blond’s words, and now his expression, confirmed the fact that Gino had indeed heard him. Shit. This was bad. Very, _very_ bad.

There was silence for a long while as Suzaku tried his best to come up with something to say that could cover his slip, while Gino probably was still trying to recover from his shock at hearing Zero say what he had. But the longer the silence dragged on, Suzaku found that he couldn’t find the words that could cover his slip. He didn’t have Lelouch’s eloquence and ability to twist words around to suit his needs. Words were Lelouch’s weapons, and Suzaku had never mastered such a manner of battling. Now, he was sorely ruing it.

“Who are you, Zero? Who the _hell_ are you?!” Gino demanded, breaking the uncomfortable quiet around them.

“…You don’t have to know. I am just Zero.”

* * *

Gino couldn’t believe his ears. He really _couldn’t_. Everything that had transpired between them had been adding up to give him a very strange and unlikely picture, one that he refused to believe in, but those words… Those words just…

 _“…she shouldn’t have died.”_

They had shocked him to the core, yet at the same time, he felt even more angered. If Zero was regretting killing the princess… No, that thought didn’t bear thinking on. But it seriously begged the all-important question: Just who was Zero?!

Who was the man under the mask? The man that had led the Black Knights to such great heights, and had eventually succeeded in his rebellion… who the hell was he? Gino knew he had to find out, and find out right about _now_ or he wouldn’t be held accountable for doing something drastic. Like physically attacking the other man to try and break the mask, so that he could find out once and for all just who this infuriating enigma was.

Instead, in a show of willpower, he forced himself to stand his ground and demand, “Who are you Zero? Who the _hell_ are you?!”

But he should’ve known that Zero wouldn’t give him a straight answer. Bastard. Zero’s answer, which couldn’t even be constituted as a proper one, was wearing down his patience, no not his patience, his _restraint_ which was already paper-thin. A little more, he was sure he would snap and do something extreme.

“Stop being cryptic!”

“I’m not being cryptic…”

The hell he wasn’t. That was it. He wasn’t going to play nice anymore. Zero had shown a strange protectiveness over Suzaku’s belongings for some reason. He was going to see how far this unusual protective streak went.

Gino chose his options carefully. A part of him was protesting his idea, for even _having_ it in the first place, but in his current rage, he merely shoved that part of him into the recesses of his brain and told it to stay there and shut up. He’d listen to his conscience later. Much later.

He detached the black and gold ornament from the photo album, holding it in his palm. It felt delicate, really quite delicate in his hand.

It would, honestly, be quite easy to break it.

His other option was Princess Euphemia’s symbol, but he knew that he would never choose to break it, or even _think_ about breaking it under any circumstances. Gino was under no illusions that Suzaku hadn’t ever thought of Lelouch as a dear friend during the months they spent working on their plan to right the world, but he also knew that he himself wasn’t so forgiving of the dead Emperor.

Well, if they were lucky, Zero might really decide to reveal his identity with how oddly he was behaving, and Gino would not need to actually go through with his threat.

He held up the ornament, watching Zero’s reactions carefully. The man had tensed up yet again (not that Zero had really relaxed upon noticing him), and Gino didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone coiled so tightly before. If he got the man to snap, what would happen?

“You seem to actually treasure these things… Tell me who you are, Zero. Unless you want me to break this.”

He saw Zero jerk. But he continued, in the same coldly calm tone he was using before the other man could say anything.

“I know it belonged to Suzaku, and I don’t think he would want it destroyed. But to be honest, I really don’t like it. I can’t say I hate the Emperor, but I still can’t forgive him for involving Suzaku and causing his death. I really _will_ break this.”

“NO! _Don’t!_ ”

Gino was startled by the sheer amount of unadulterated panic he could hear despite the distortion of Zero’s voice through the mask. It didn’t make any sense to him why the other would treasure these things, even if this meant that his plan seemed to be working. If it were anyone but Zero, he would’ve let up at once. But he was determined to find out who was the person behind the mask.

“Who are you? Answer me!”

He watched as Zero hesitated yet again, but this time, he thought that he could see the figure _trembling slightly_. Then, just when he thought he had to actually go through with his threat, the man finally spoke softly.

“…Swear that you won’t let anyone else know.”

“Is keeping your identity a secret _that_ important?”

“ _Please…_ Gino…”

The broken tone in Zero’s voice would’ve affected and shaken the iciest of hearts, and Gino had never been particularly cold-hearted in his life. He felt the sudden, strange need to comfort the man, which was quite ridiculous because this was _Zero_ and not a friend.

Although, there was something about the way that Zero had suddenly used his _given name…_

Shaking that strange thought away, he still softened his tone as he replied solemnly, “I swear, on my honor as a Knight of Rounds.”

“Thank you…”

Then, Gino watched as Zero seemed to deflate before him, all the tension suddenly dissipating. The man hunched over, as if trying to make himself smaller and looked so _lonely_ like he had the burden of the world upon him and had nobody to turn to. There was something so inherently _wrong_ about that image that Gino had to resist the urge to run over and _hug_ the man. Then, Zero slowly lifted his right hand, which Gino noted was shaking – badly – to his mask to remove it.

Gino watched with bated breath as a mix of adrenaline and dread rushed through him as the mask was slowly, shakily lifted away from the man’s face.

He saw dark-colored hair first, no, it was _brown_. The realization sent a sick jolt of _something_ through him. Then…

Green eyes.

 _No. No way._

The mask came completely off and dropped with a muffled thud to the grassy ground. And Gino could only stare, speechless.

“Hello… Gino…”

* * *

He hadn’t heard Gino correctly. Suzaku refused to believe that he’d heard the normally nice and jovial young man correctly. It just… wouldn’t process in his shocked mind. He was just too close to panicking to be able to hear Gino correctly. Right?

“You seem to actually treasure these things… Tell me who you are, Zero. Unless you want me to break this.”

And Gino’s tone when he had said those words. It was so flat and _cold_. The few times that he’d seen Gino angry, he’d been loud and yelling. Like earlier. This sudden cold anger radiating from Gino was, frankly, terrifying. Did it mean that Gino was really, _really_ serious?

“I know it belonged to Suzaku, and I don’t think he would want it destroyed. But to be honest, I really don’t like it. I can’t say I hate the Emperor, but I still can’t forgive him for involving Suzaku and causing his death. I really _will_ break this.”

“NO! _Don’t!_ ”

Suzaku knew that couldn’t have stopped his words even if he had had the mind to try. They had just come out upon hearing Gino’s words. Gino would _really_ break Lelouch’s symbol. And nothing else could’ve made him even more frantic than that.

He couldn’t, he absolutely _couldn’t_ lose that symbol. It was one of his last holds on sanity, and his most important one. He _needed_ it. It was as essential as food and water. No, it was _more_ essential than food and water. Than anything else. Without it, with it gone… he would lose himself to insanity. And then, he wouldn’t be able to do what he’d sworn to Lelouch to do.

“Who are you? Answer me!”

God, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t watch as Gino broke the last memento of Lelouch that he had. He couldn’t lose it.

 _I’m sorry, Lelouch. I… I have to tell Gino._

“…Swear that you won’t let anyone else know.”

“Is keeping your identity a secret _that_ important?”

“ _Please_ … Gino…”

He didn’t care that he’d slipped into using Gino’s given name, when he’d been maintaining his distance since the start of their confrontation. He also didn’t care that he acting so unlike Zero now that Gino had to be supremely confused. But it didn’t matter. In a short while, Gino would know who he really was and everything would probably make sense to the blond.

Even if it didn’t, he didn’t care anymore. He just… needed that ornament safely in one piece.

“I swear, on my honor as a Knight of Rounds,” Gino replied, his voice less harsh than it had been earlier.

“Thank you…”

Then Suzaku steeled himself, although he doubted that he managed it at all. He could feel himself trembling quite hard now, and he hated himself for it, for this weakness. His shoulders drooped as he hunched over, subconsciously wanting to curl into himself and hide from the rest of the world forever.

He didn’t know why it was so difficult to remove the mask. He had always hated it, especially after he’d first realized that it was Lelouch behind it. Now that he was the one wearing it, shouldn’t he be glad that he could remove it? But no… he wasn’t finding it easy. Nor was he remotely happy. He was fearful. He still couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he might still lose his precious ornament, and though he tried not to be, he was honestly afraid of how Gino would react.

It had been a while since he’d felt so defenseless and exposed.

Lifting his trembling right hand to the mask, he felt for the catch that would release the mask from his head. As the mask released itself, he slowly began to lift it away from his face. Then, he let it drop to the ground as all energy seemed to have fled his arms once his “task” was done.

He slowly looked at Gino. The blond’s eyes were wide, disbelief written all over his expression. Certainly, Gino never expected to see his supposedly dead friend standing before him again. And as Zero, no less.

“Hello… Gino…” Suzaku finally said, despite thinking that it was a completely asinine thing to do.

But nothing felt like it was making sense now, and Suzaku needed to _do_ something, _say_ something or else he thought he would just breakdown immediately.

“Su… za… ku?”

“…Yes, it’s me. I’m Zero.”

“How… Why…?”

“It was all part of Lelouch’s plan. I’d kill him, and then live on as Zero to help him see through the future that he’d desired and created. Only a select few people know that I’m alive,” he explained monotonously.

He saw Gino flinch slightly, most likely because of the tone of his voice. It was so flat; it was like he was a walking dead man. Which, Suzaku thought, was a perfectly apt description of himself. He had a grave already; he was just walking around and existing because of Lelouch’s will. It could even be taken literally, since the Geass had pretty much made it impossible for him to end his life by artificial means.

“So, Zero… The original Zero was…”

“Lelouch. Yes.”

Gino was silent for a moment, and then Suzaku was hit with, “Why didn’t you tell me you were still alive, Suzaku? Why didn’t you tell me _anything?_ ”

And Suzaku laughed, the sound of it bitter and the slightest bit hysterical. No, make that he sounded entirely hysterical, like he probably belonged in a mental ward right about now. He couldn’t help it. Not even when he saw the shock and horror appear on Gino’s face. God, it wasn’t a funny question, not really. But, oh god. He couldn’t _not_ laugh. The situation didn’t warrant it and goddamn it, he was going crazy finally, finally and, and…

He was suddenly wrapped in a pair of strong arms, and pulled towards a warm body. And his laughter stopped, just like that, and he was shaking like a leaf caught in the middle of a raging windstorm. Shaking so, _so_ hard that he thought, no he just _knew_ that his bones were going to start rattling in his body any time now. Any moment now.

But it wasn’t happening and, yet he was still shaking and it seemed to be getting worse. And why the fuck couldn’t he feel his bones rattling?

“…zaku…”

Suddenly, it was dark and he couldn’t see anything anymore. Goddamn dark, and wasn’t it only just the beginning of evening? And wasn’t he in the palace grounds… where there should be lights. Lights in the gardens. Where were they?

But of course, he didn’t deserve to be granted something as simple as light, right? Yes… yes…

“…Suzaku!”

But it was also strangely warm. And darkness and warmth didn’t go together… Didn’t fit… No, not for him. It _shouldn’t_ be so comfortably warm.

“SUZAKU!”

He felt a harsh smack across his face as finally, Gino’s voice penetrated the black haze around his mind. Suzaku blinked twice, finding his vision returning slowly, like the darkness hadn’t wanted to let him go so easily (because didn’t he deserve to wallow in the dark depths of despair?). Then there was no more never-ending black and he was staring up at Gino’s worried blue eyes.

“…Gi… no…?”

* * *

Gino felt as if the whole world had just tipped on its axis without giving him so much as a warning. Suzaku was _alive. Alive._ The original Zero was _Lelouch_. And everything that didn’t make sense before made sense – as sick and twisted as it was – now, while those that once did weren’t. Many questions were whirling in his mind and various emotions were beginning to churn and roil in his gut.

He was glad that Suzaku was alive. Yes, he was. But that happiness was dampened by the hurt he was feeling at being kept in the dark for so, _so_ long. It was that which finally made him ask, “Why didn’t you tell me you were still alive, Suzaku? Why didn’t you tell me _anything?_ ”

Then to his shock, Suzaku actually began to laugh. It was loud and bitter, and growing increasingly hysterical by the second. He’d never heard the brunet laugh before, but this wasn’t the kind of laughter that he wanted to hear from Suzaku. Not ever. Gino had the sickening feeling that he had indeed made his friend snap.

Before he could think about it any further, he had put down the items he was holding and rushed towards Suzaku. He pulled the hysterical teenager into an embrace, hoping that it would comfort him and make that god-awful laughter _stop_.

It did. Immediately. Like a switch had been flicked.

And then, Suzaku was just standing there and shaking, trembling. Trembling so violently that it was like he would fall over and collapse to the ground once Gino let go of him. And so Gino held on tighter to his friend, hoping to ground the brunet in the present, on this plane of existence and not… not wherever his too-blank, too-dead green eyes were apparently seeing.

God, he didn’t want to see that look in Suzaku’s eyes. It was even worse, far worse than the first time he’d first met Suzaku, back when Suzaku was the Knight of Seven and when things were – unbelievable but true – more innocent and less hurtful than the present. He remembered that one of the reasons why he’d been so insistently sticking around the brunet was because of that look in those green eyes.

They were cold, so cold. He had thought then, on that first day that they’d met, that Suzaku must have lost someone dear to him, and he had been right. He’d lost Princess Euphemia. But right now, Gino whole-heartedly preferred that look back in Suzaku’s eyes. Because as cold as they were, he could tell that Suzaku had a purpose to live back then, had a driving force to do what he was doing. Now…

It was truly a miracle that Suzaku hadn’t already ended his life.

Gino couldn’t see any signs of hope or even the will to live in Suzaku’s eyes. Suzaku merely… _existed_. For the sole purpose of being Zero, it seemed. But why was Suzaku forcing himself to live on like this? Not that Gino wasn’t glad that his friend was still alive, but he couldn’t help but wonder _why_. What other force was keeping Suzaku here when it was more than obvious from this breakdown that the brunet didn’t want to be on this earth anymore?

He couldn’t stand Suzaku trembling like that any longer, couldn’t stand seeing that lifelessness and nothing else, nothing remotely positive, in Suzaku’s eyes. He had to _do_ something. Hell, it was partly his fault that Suzaku had snapped like this. Although, the severity of it probably had to do with the fact that this meltdown had been a long time in coming.

“Suzaku, hey, Suzaku. Can you hear me?”

Apparently, not. Shit, how far gone in his head was Suzaku? He looked down worriedly at the brunet, trying to make the teenager look _at_ him and not _through_ him.

“Suzaku!”

Oh hell. He hadn’t really wanted to resort to doing this, but since Suzaku was entirely unresponsive and the shaking was getting worse… Suzaku had to be startled out of this… shock-induced trance. So Gino raised a hand, mentally apologizing to his friend, as he slapped him hard across the face, leaving a vivid red handprint on one cheek.

“SUZAKU!”

Suzaku blinked twice, the first response Gino had gotten from him since Suzaku’s laughter had stopped and he started to tremble so violently. His shaking was also beginning to lessen. Then those dull green eyes seemed to finally stop looking through him and was instead, focused on him, and when Suzaku said his name in such a small and broken voice, Gino felt his heart aching for his friend all over again.

This shouldn’t be happening to Suzaku. If anything, Suzaku deserved a break. A very, _very_ long break. He didn’t know why the shittiest things seemed to keep happening to the brunet one after the other in almost quick, immediate succession, but he wished that it would stop forever. But first, he had to help Suzaku now and figure out the other things later.

“Yeah, it’s me, Suzaku,” he said in a soothing voice, letting a reassuring smile onto his face.

“I… I’m… sorry…” the brunet said shakily. “…for not… letting you know…”

This world was so screwed up. Of all things, Suzaku shouldn’t be _apologizing_ to him. The guilt that he’d been feeling for causing his friend’s breakdown was accumulating. But damn, he deserved it.

“Don’t apologize, Suzaku. I’m sure you had your reasons.”

Damn, he was an idiot. Finding out the identity of the original Zero made a lot of sense as to why Suzaku had been keeping mum about the fact that he was alive, and about the plan from the start. It was a really farfetched idea to think that one of the Princes of Britannia was conspiring for Britannia’s downfall. By letting the public think that Suzaku, the Knight of Zero, was dead, and then subsequently having himself be assassinated, Lelouch had very successfully removed the two icons of hatred in the hearts of the world’s citizens.

It made so much sense in a really heart-wrenching way that Gino really wanted to punch Lelouch – dead or not – for even _thinking_ it up. Much less put it into action.

“I’m sorry too. I… I shouldn’t have threatened you…”

It was obvious that Suzaku cared about Lelouch a great deal, even though the latter was Princess Euphemia’s murderer. Gino didn’t know how to reconcile that, but if Suzaku had found some way to forgive Lelouch, then… he couldn’t say anything. It was between Suzaku and Lelouch, the matter of Princess Euphemia’s murder. His opinion wouldn’t matter.

When Suzaku didn’t reply, Gino decided that this potential heart-to-heart talk would probably proceed a little less awkwardly if they sat down and got comfortable. Or so he hoped anyway. He was usually good at making people feel at ease, at comforting them. But this situation with Suzaku was tricky. He supposed that it was because he hadn’t ever comforted someone when he was the cause of said someone’s meltdown. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling in the least, but he’d be damned to leave Suzaku alone in this state.

“Hey, let’s go sit down, shall we?”

Suzaku nodded mutely and let Gino lead him towards the tree he was formerly under. However, they had taken only three steps when the brunet stopped so abruptly, Gino thought Suzaku had lapsed into some sort of a post-trauma seizure. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case.

“Where… where’re _they?_ ”

“Where… Oh, I put them down when I hugged you. I’ll go get them in a moment, after you sit down, okay?”

“No!”

Suzaku’s vehement protest stopped him short. Okay, those items meant a lot to Suzaku, and they would probably work to calm the brunet down further if he had them.

“Okay, I’ll go get them. Can you go sit down by yourself?”

Talking to _Suzaku_ like this, like he was a young and fragile child, was a whole new experience. One that he wasn’t sure that he liked to repeat, ever. The Japanese teen was older than him and although he’d always been taller than the brunet, he always felt quite a bit younger. But right now, it felt so different. Like Suzaku had suddenly become so much younger and vulnerable. It reared up all sorts of protective instincts in Gino and he felt vaguely like a mother hen.

He saw his friend nod his assent, and carefully let go of the boy. He watched Suzaku for a few seconds, asserting that Suzaku could make that short distance without suddenly collapsing before quickly going to where he’d left the photo album. He gathered the items, and hurried back to Suzaku, unwilling to leave the brunet’s side any longer than necessary when he was in this state.

“There, they’re perfectly fine,” he said, showing the items to Suzaku.

This time, when Suzaku reached for them, he let the Japanese take them. He watched as Suzaku ran his hands over them, before hugging the album close to himself, one hand playing with the two dangling ornaments. Gino tried not to mind the fact that Suzaku’s hand was brushing against the black and gold one a lot more often. Then again, that _was_ the one that he’d threatened to break moments ago.

Now that they were both sitting down, with Suzaku leaning slightly on Gino, the blond found that he didn’t quite know how to start talking again. Fortunately for him, Suzaku suddenly laid the photo album on his lap and flipped it open. Gino then came face-to-face with two pages of photos that he’d never seen before and knew that those photos would’ve made girls squeal, “Oh so _cute_ ~!” Loudly.

They were pictures of Suzaku, Lelouch and even Nunnally when they were younger. Lelouch, the oldest out of them all, couldn’t have been any older than eleven in them.

“I first met him eight years ago. He and Nunnally were sent to stay in Japan as political hostages. I didn’t like him at first. Neither did he like me.”

If Suzaku sharing the contents of the album surprised him, Gino was downright shocked that the boy was willingly telling him about his history with Lelouch. But he guessed that this was one way for Suzaku to finally release all his pent up emotions. It was a release that the brunet needed, and it was really way overdue. So Gino decided to let Suzaku dictate the flow of things, while he would be there to offer support and opinions if Suzaku wanted them.

“Sometimes, I’m still a little surprised that we even became friends,” Suzaku continued quietly. “I was… upset when we separated after the war, even though I knew it couldn’t be helped. I never thought I’d see him again. We’d become very close during the time he stayed with my family.”

“But you did see him again. Was it at Ashford?”

“No, I was still a private in the army then… That incident in the Shinjuku ghetto, when the Britannian army suffered their first large-scale defeat at the hands of the terrorists… Lelouch got caught up in the truck that the terrorists hijacked.”

“The poisonous gas incident?”

“That’s what they announced to the public… but the container housed a woman, an immortal woman known as C.C. She was the one who gave Lelouch the power to start his rebellion on that day.”

Gino blinked, not quite understanding what this was about. He could only manage a very eloquent, “Huh?”

“…You wouldn’t have known about her, or the Geass. The 98th Emperor only shared his plans and knowledge with a select few of the Knights of Rounds.”

Suzaku then haltingly explained about the Geass, the Code and how the 98th Emperor had wanted to activate the Ragranok. As farfetched as it was, it made sense now how so many of Lelouch’s plans could actually succeed was also partly because of his Geass. Besides, Suzaku had no reason to lie to him anymore, and Gino could tell that his friend wasn’t lying anyway. But such a power, the power to dominate over an individual’s will, it didn’t sit right with Gino.

“He used it on me too, you know.”

“ _What?_ ”

“He commanded me to… ‘live on’,” Suzaku murmured, his hand now clutching the black and gold ornament so tightly, it had to be digging into this skin. “I… I really hated him for a time after I found out about it. For making me live on whenever I felt like just letting go.”

“Why would he have commanded you to do that? Weren’t you… his greatest enemy then?”

“I asked him about it during… the time we were working together. In part, it was because he didn’t want to die yet, since I’d just received orders to keep Zero in Lancelot’s cockpit even when Avalon fired at us. It was Britannia’s chance to get rid of Zero permanently… Eventually, Lelouch… he admitted he that didn’t want me dead too…”

There was silence as Suzaku stopped talking and Gino took the time to think. Suzaku had said that the Geass had no time limit, depending on how the command was phrased. That meant that, up until today… the command was still within Suzaku to ‘live on’. He recalled thinking just a while ago, how it was a miracle that Suzaku was still alive when his eyes were already devoid of the will to live. With this information… Gino had to grudgingly thank Lelouch for the Geass command.

Then suddenly, something came to Gino’s mind. The unfortunate massacre during the first attempt to create the Special Administrative Zone of Japan… He didn’t know Princess Euphemia well, but from what he knew, she’d been peace loving and saw no distinction between Britannians and non-Britannians. So, the cause of her sudden about-face…

He knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to talk about this now, so he forced himself not to say anything. But something must have shown on his face because Suzaku started to speak.

“It was an accident… with Euphy.”

“An accident?!” Gino couldn’t quite keep his disbelief and agitation out of his voice. How did you accidentally command someone to massacre all the Japanese gathered at the ceremony?

“Yes. Lelouch didn’t know that his Geass had abruptly become permanently activated… He was joking with Euphemia that he could make anyone do as he commanded, and said casually that he could even make her kill the people of Japan… and… it happened. Even though… Euphy tried to resist the Geass.”

Suzaku paused, taking a deep shuddering breath. It was obvious that talking about this was still hard on the brunet, although it was almost two years since the princess’ death.

“He regretted what happened… He hadn’t wanted it to end that way, after he’d already made up his mind to join Euphy. He also told me that… she was his favorite sister after Nunnally.”

“…You’ve forgiven him, haven’t you?”

“…It took… quite a long time. But before I did forgive him, in my rage and grief over Euphy’s death, I… hurt him. And-”

Gino put an arm around Suzaku’s shoulders, pulling the brunet towards him, when Suzaku’s voice caught in his throat. Suzaku was trembling again, not as much as before – which Gino was grateful for – but still, it twisted his gut with guilt. Suzaku burrowed slightly, probably subconsciously even, into his side, one of the brunet’s hands gripping the fabric of his coat.

“He’s forgiven you, hasn’t he? Just like you’ve forgiven him.”

“Yes… But…”

“No ‘buts’, Suzaku. You’ve been forgiven, and it wasn’t completely your fault that you were so angry.”

“I sold Lelouch to the Emperor. That was how I was promoted to the Knight of Seven. And I just _stood there and watched_ when the Emperor used his Geass to rewrite Lelouch’s memories!”

Gino didn’t know that. But he could understand why that would’ve promoted Suzaku, since Lelouch had been Zero at the time.

“Okay, so that probably didn’t do wonders for your friendship. You made a mistake, but we all make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up over it anymore, okay? I… I’m sure he wouldn’t want that.”

“…I killed him.”

Which was true, and Gino didn’t know what to say to such a statement when Suzaku spoke in such a quietly anguished voice. He didn’t think hearing that “that was what Lelouch wanted you to do” would have much of an effect, or at least, a desired effect. He might set Suzaku off again, and that was the _last_ thing he wanted.

“…I knew that it was the plan… all along… from the very beginning… We had planned it together and… and I… I _agreed_ to kill him.” Suzaku was talking again, sounding less collected and shaky but thankfully not hysterical. “At that time… that time… I still hadn’t forgiven him for killing Euphy, and so I agreed. It would be a way to get revenge for her. That was what I thought. But after spending those months with him… I realized that… that…”

Suzaku was looking like he was too distraught to continue. Gino gently stroked Suzaku’s hair to comfort him as he spoke, “You realized that you still cared for him as friend, didn’t you?”

The brunet was quiet for a moment, but his eyes were looking searchingly at Gino’s own ones. Suzaku seemed to be contemplating something.

“…I love him, Gino.”

Gino blinked. Did that sound like how he thought it did…?

“…I fell in love with Lelouch during those months when it had just been largely the two of us against the world… Only we could understand each other and love each other despite it… I think that… even during the time that I’d hated him, I still cared for him and loved him in a part of my heart… and I… _I killed him_ at the end of everything!”

It did.

Gino couldn’t even begin to fathom how he should feel about this startling revelation (God, today seemed to be _full_ of them), other than, obviously, shock. Thankfully, Suzaku didn’t seem to be entering panic mode just yet, because truthfully, Gino didn’t think he would know how to react to calm the other teen down at this moment.

“You… He… I…” Hell, Gino couldn’t remember being _this_ incoherent in his entire life. But he finally managed to get his speech and thoughts into some semblance of coherence and order as he asked, “…what about Princess Euphemia…?”

“I… could’ve grown to love her; I really liked her. But our time together… was too short…”

Oh hell, how did he end up in such a situation? He had the feeling this was starting to flounder in very unchartered waters. Gino knew that he’d always been quite a natural at comforting people, always knowing what would be the right things to say to get others to feel better. But he usually didn’t have to, make that he _never had to_ , deal with circumstances such as, such as _this!_

Suzaku had killed Lelouch, a person whom Gino had first assumed to be Suzaku’s dear friend. Now, he was being told that Lelouch had meant more than that to Suzaku. Lelouch even felt the same way. And yet… they still went on with their painfully brilliant plan?!

How must Suzaku have felt, having to plunge the sword into Lelouch’s chest?

How did Suzaku even manage to summon the willpower to go through with the act?

How had Suzaku _not_ been driven insane already?

Gino’s heart ached for Suzaku. Badly. Before he learnt of this truth, he had thought it was bad enough that Suzaku had to kill his best friend, now… Gino felt the urge to scream to the heavens. Why couldn’t they give his friend a very long overdue, well-deserved _break?_ Why did they keep throwing more and more shit on him?

Oh god, and he’d threatened to _destroy_ the last memento Suzaku had of Lelouch earlier. Sure, he couldn’t have known of its significance then. But nevertheless, it didn’t lessen his guilt at having inevitably caused Suzaku to feel great hurt. He recalled the absolute panic he’d heard in Suzaku’s voice then and had to suppress a wince at the memory of it. Gino felt like he deserved the title of “Royal Asshole” right at this very moment.

“Suzaku, I’m so sorry… I know you have your reasons, but I wished you could’ve told me. Then you wouldn’t have to go through with having to… kill him by your own hand.”

“There were others in on the plan… not many, but there were. But… I just couldn’t let them do it. At first, it was because it was… my revenge. Later on, I don’t think I could’ve… could’ve just stood by and watch someone kill Lelouch before my eyes. I’d have killed that person before he even _got near_ Lelouch… So I had to do it myself… even when-” Suzaku broke off, taking in a shuddering breath of air as he tried his best not to start sobbing. “Even when I didn’t… I really didn’t… want to… Oh god, Gino… I-”

“Shh… It’s okay Suzaku, you don’t have to tell me anything more,” Gino murmured in as soothing a voice as he could muster. He gently stroked the brunet’s hair, feeling his friend’s body shaking with suppressed sobs. “It’s all right to cry, Suzaku. Just… let it out.”

If Gino thought that his heart had ached for Suzaku just moments earlier, he knew it must have positively broken, no, _shattered_ when Suzaku finally let go. A loud, absolutely heart-wrenching and anguished wail was heard from Suzaku before he broke down into tears, sobbing with body-wracking shudders into Gino’s side. Gino never noticed the silent tears that streaked down his own cheeks as he held Suzaku close.

Oh god, that wail would forever be imprinted into Gino’s memories. He had never heard anything so heartrending, and didn’t think he ever would.

* * *

A strange calm had settled over Suzaku as he sat under the tree, partly nestled into Gino’s side, his hands holding onto his precious mementoes. He didn’t know why exactly, but he had just started to pour out what seemed to be his entire life to his friend, in a relatively calm manner if he didn’t say so himself. Or at least, the most important and significant parts of it and most of them had included Lelouch in someway or another.

But that false sense of calmness didn’t last for very long once he broached the topic of the Geass and Euphy… and then… Lelouch. Just Lelouch and everything the other teenager had meant to him, and the tenuous hold he had on that calmness began slipping away. Fast.

He’d still manage to decide, largely rationally he assumed, about whether he should let his last secret out to Gino. He hadn’t even told _Nunnally_ about it, and didn’t know whether he ever would. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how that conversation would start out. Just how did one tell his lover’s younger sister, that he had been in love with her elder brother, said elder brother loved him back and he had still gone ahead with their original plan to kill her elder brother?

Yet, there was something about Gino, some kind of aura surrounding the blond, that made him just want to let everything out and keep no more secrets. Besides, Gino was the only person alive to know this much about him at the moment, Suzaku figured that one more secret, as big as that secret was, wouldn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

Also, it felt good to finally let someone else know that he loved Lelouch vi Britannia, who was known to most of the world as the Demon Emperor.

If Suzaku had his way, and was a little less sane than his already not-so-sane self, he would’ve wanted to declare this fact to the entire world, consequences be damned.

But no, this was the world Lelouch had sacrificed himself for and Suzaku would never carelessly destroy it because of his own whims. Gino, though, felt like a safe enough choice to divulge this secret to. So far, the blond hadn’t judged him for the actions he’d chosen. He could only hope that it would remain this way.

“…I love him, Gino.”

Suzaku waited a beat, watching as Gino blinked in surprise.

“…I fell in love with Lelouch during those months when it had just been largely the two of us against the world…” he continued, hoping that he could keep his composure but knowing that it wouldn’t last long enough for his liking. “Only we could understand each other and love each other despite it… I think that… even during the time that I’d hated him, I still cared for him and loved him in a part of my heart… and I… _I killed him_ at the end of everything!”

His green eyes watched the emotions play across Gino’s face. He had obviously thrown his friend for a major loop. Or maybe even several loops, seeing as the blond was trying his best to _not_ imitate a fish out of water at the moment.

“You… He… I…”

Gino was clearly fumbling to find words. Suzaku didn’t blame him. It probably wasn’t Lelouch’s gender that threw Gino off, but the fact that it _was_ Lelouch. When Gino had known Suzaku, he had been full of hatred for Lelouch, even though Gino didn’t know it then. Furthermore, mere minutes earlier, he’d also confessed to Gino that he had hated Lelouch once too.

“…what about Princess Euphemia…?”

“I… could’ve grown to love her; I really liked her,” he admitted. “But our time together… was too short…”

If the massacre incident never happened, if Lelouch’s Geass hadn’t become permanently activated… It was very likely that he would’ve fallen in love with Euphemia. However, whether anything would come to fruition was yet another matter. Euphy had been so radiant and so pure, while he was a bloodstained killer wearing the ironic colors of white. He would never have felt worthy enough for her love. He still didn’t.

Lelouch, however, was another matter. Had he not known that Lelouch was Zero, he would’ve probably harbored similar thoughts. But Lelouch _was_ Zero, and Lelouch was unlike Euphy in that he was not pure. He had a similar radiance about him, but Suzaku felt less remorse in staining, in tainting Lelouch than he ever would have Euphemia. The two of them had a unique relationship. They were best friends who became archrivals even if they hadn’t realized it at first, they were tied even closer when they became lovers in the short months leading up to Zero Requiem and lastly… they were also each other’s murderer.

“Suzaku, I’m so sorry… I know you have your reasons, but I wished you could’ve told me. Then you wouldn’t have to go through with having to… kill him by your own hand.”

“There were others in on the plan… not many, but there were. But… I just couldn’t let them do it. At first, it was because it was… my revenge. But then, later on, I don’t think I could’ve… could’ve just stood by and watch someone kill Lelouch before my eyes. I’d have killed that person before he even _got near_ Lelouch… So I had to do it myself… even when-” he broke off, taking in a shuddering breath of air as he tried his best not to start sobbing. He was going to fail though, sooner or later.

God, as much as it hurt to kill Lelouch himself, he would’ve dismembered _anyone else_ who dared to harm Lelouch. Even if they’d planned it all before hand, Suzaku knew that he would never have been able to restrain himself. Then Lelouch’s plan would’ve gone down the drain, and regardless of his own feelings on the matter, Suzaku _would not_ let the plan fail. Zero Requiem would go through successfully, and it had.

“Even when I didn’t… I really didn’t… want to… Oh god, Gino… I-”

“Shh… It’s okay Suzaku, you don’t have to tell me anything more,” Gino murmured to him in a soothing voice. “It’s all right to cry, Suzaku. Just… let it out.”

And so he did.

Suzaku screamed, as he finally let all the horror and grief wash over him in the overwhelming tidal wave that he’d been forcibly holding back for so long. Then he could no longer hold back his tears as he burrowed further into Gino’s side, wanting to seek whatever warmth and comfort his friend could provide him as he dissolved into uncontrollable, body-wracking sobs.

* * *

Gino had lost track of how long he’d been sitting under the tree in the palace gardens. Some time between then and now, Suzaku had stopped crying and had instead fallen asleep, curled against Gino with one hand holding tightly onto Gino’s coat. His friend was undoubtedly exhausted. It was trying for Suzaku to reveal so much to him and in such a fashion. So he was going to sit here and let the brunet rest as much as it was possible, even if his left arm was starting to get a little numb from playing Suzaku’s pillow.

It had been… informative, Gino supposed. He had always wanted to learn more about Suzaku when they’d first met, seeing as the teenager was just so closed off from the rest of the Knights, and now he did. If only he could’ve spared his friend the pain of having to relive every moment that he’d spoke about…

But one thing was very clear to Gino. He was _not_ going to leave Suzaku alone again. While he couldn’t be openly friendly with Suzaku since he was Zero and he’d never had a track record of being particularly friendly with the masked man, when it was just the two of them, and perhaps the Empress, since she knew about Suzaku’s identity too, he would do his utmost to include Suzaku and make him feel that he belonged again. Suzaku had friends who cared about him, and Suzaku was going to remember that key fact.

It was about then when he heard the sound of footsteps and the soft whirl of wheels against tiles. Gino tensed. Zero’s mask was too far away for Gino to reach out to grab it, and he didn’t think he could move Suzaku away from him quickly enough seeing as he still didn’t want to disturb the brunet’s much-needed rest. He settled for angling Suzaku’s head such that his face and hair would be partially hidden by the shadows and his coat.

Then he saw the people who were approaching the tree – Nunnally and Kallen. Gino didn’t know how he should react. On one hand, Nunnally knew of Zero’s identity, but he wasn’t sure about Kallen… and how she might react if she saw Suzaku in Zero’s clothes.

“Gino?”

“Empress,” he acknowledged, trying not to sound too curt and wary. As most of Zero’s outfit was in black, Suzaku currently blended in quite well with the shadows, so they hadn’t noticed him yet. But that would change once they got even closer to where he was.

“Is there someone with you?” Kallen asked suddenly.

Kallen was the wildcard, as usual. Being the ace pilot of the Black Knights probably made her more observant than the average person. Gino decided that sooner or later, they were going to find out that he was with Suzaku, or rather, Zero. It would be better to gauge their, well _Kallen’s_ reaction now before they came any closer.

“Yes… Zero’s here.”

At his answer, Kallen came to an abrupt halt, and since she was pushing Nunnally’s wheelchair, Nunnally did too. He could make out both their eyes widening, and Gino wondered whether there were differing reasons for their similar reactions.

“Zero?” Nunnally repeated, surprise evident in her gentle voice. Then she asked tentatively, “Gino, do you… know…?”

“I do. Does Kallen?”

“Is this about Zero’s identity?” the pink-haired girl asked. “I… have my suspicions.”

“What will you do, if you confirm your suspicions?” Gino was not about to let Kallen anywhere near Suzaku until he knew for certain that she wasn’t going to hurt him.

“I…” Kallen faltered slightly, as she caught sight of the strong protective spark in the blond knight’s eyes. That was enough confirmation for her suspicions that Zero was actually… Suzaku.

“I don’t know,” she finally breathed out.

In the beginning, she had wanted to rail at Zero, since well Lelouch was already dead, for coming up with such a brilliantly horrible plan to save the world. After she had calmed down somewhat and the suspicions that she had since witnessing Zero killing Lelouch came back… she was almost sure that it was Suzaku under Zero’s mask now. It didn’t appease her anger, and she still wanted to yell at someone. But seeing Gino’s protectiveness over Suzaku, who had been quiet thus far, which was an anomaly in itself; she started doubting whether she really wanted to yell at the brunet.

“Kallen, you’ve always suspected that Zero was Suzaku, right?” Nunnally interjected mildly before things could get even tenser than they were now. “Now, you also know that to be the truth, right, Gino?”

The two in question nodded.

“Kallen, let us move closer. Gino, do not worry, nothing will happen to Suzaku.”

As Kallen did as told, the two ladies could now see a figure huddled into Gino’s side and Gino had an arm curled around the person protectively. Zero’s mask was missing, and they could see tousled brown hair and the closed eyes of a sleeping Suzaku.

“He’s exhausted. I hope you don’t want him to wake up yet, Empress,” Gino said softly.

“It’s fine, Gino,” Nunnally said with a tiny smile. It was nice to see someone care for Suzaku when the young man pushed everyone else away now. “How… did you find out?”

Gino winced visibly this time. Nunnally was going to be very displeased with him once he finished his tale. He might even let Kallen punch him a few times for good measure too, since he doubted Suzaku would do that even if he asked. Well, probably because he asked too.

“I forced his hand,” he confessed, before telling the two ladies exactly how he had forced Suzaku’s hand and the horrible breakdown that came afterwards.

What he made sure not to include was the details of what Suzaku had shared with him during his breakdown. He knew Kallen had once liked Lelouch, so she would probably not like to have the knowledge that Suzaku and Lelouch had been in love – well, from what Suzaku said, Suzaku was _still_ in love – with each other. Additionally, this information was about Suzaku’s private life and it would be up to the brunet to decide whether he wanted anyone else to know about it. From what he’d heard, Gino was sure that he was the only person Suzaku had revealed this to; he would not betray his friend’s trust.

“Oh hell. I was so horrible to him,” he said as a conclusion to his story. Throughout it all, he hadn’t been able to look either of them in the eye. It was a horrible, horrible thing he did, to cause Suzaku to snap like that.

“Gino, you didn’t know it was him,” Nunnally said, hoping to ease some of the blond’s guilt. Some tears had made their way down her cheeks, and her eyes were still bright with unshed ones. “And Suzaku… he needed to let it out. He would’ve collapsed sooner or later. I’m just glad that you were there for him when it happened.”

Kallen was silent. The lingering urge she had to yell at Suzaku had completely disappeared. After listening to Gino’s story and witnessing the dried tear tracks on Suzaku’s face, she could no longer find it in her heart to accuse the brunet of anything. In fact, she was holding back tears as she heard Gino’s description of Suzaku’s breakdown. It was clear now that Suzaku had suffered a lot more than any of them by being the one to kill Lelouch and then having to take on the mantle of being Zero.

“Hey, Gino… I think you should take Suzaku back to his room. It’s getting late,” she said quietly instead.

Gino agreed. “Kallen, do you think you can carry Suzaku’s photo album? Oh and the mask too, it’s somewhere in the grass.”

He waited until Kallen had slipped the album out of Suzaku’s grip before carefully adjusting his hold on the brunet. He let the other teen’s weight fall onto his torso so he could let his left arm regain some feeling first before proceeding to carry him. Once Gino determined that he was sure that he could carry Suzaku without accidentally dropping him because his left arm was too numb, he picked up his still-slumbering friend and slowly stood up, taking care not to jar him.

“Um… where is Suzaku’s room?” he asked.

Nunnally smiled. “I’ll show you the way. Remember it okay, Gino?”

There was a silent plea in those words, and Gino knew he would heed them even if Nunnally had never even deigned to hint at them. He had already promised himself that he wouldn’t leave Suzaku alone from now on.

Before they could start moving, however, Kallen seemed to have noticed that there were two other items attached to the photo album she was now carrying for she asked, “Gino… what’s this…?”

From the tone of her voice, Gino suspected that Kallen might’ve a clue about the black and gold ornament she was now holding. He replied evenly, “It’s Suzaku’s symbol of being Lelouch’s Knight.”

She nodded, eyes lingering on the symbol a moment longer before moving her gaze away. “I guess we should go now.”

“Come, it’s this way.”

Gino and Kallen followed Nunnally as the wheelchair-bound girl led them to a wing of the castle that they rarely visited. There was also a surprising lack of guards around. It made Gino wonder why he’d never noticed this part of the palace grounds before. Regardless, now that he knew that Suzaku’s rooms were located here, he’d be paying more frequent visits to this part of the palace grounds soon.

Very soon.

* * *

  
_Hey Suzaku, I won’t leave you alone again._

 _I won’t let you force everyone away from you._

 _I swear that you can count on me._

 _Okay?_

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone wants an idea of how I envisioned Suzaku's anguished scream, go and find a video of the Japanese Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII ending and listen to Cloud's anguished scream there (broke my heart to pieces the first time I heard it). Suzaku and Cloud share the same Japanese voice actor.


End file.
